POETRY   AND   PROSE   PAGE   4

OTHER PAGES ON MY SITE

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POETRY PAGE 1:
POETRY PAGE 2:
POETRY PAGE 3:
POETRY PAGE 5:
MY BLACK SABBATH PAGE:

FAITH IN YOU

I noticed the second symptom killing me, As I lay dreaming of what could have been.

I remember what it was to imagine serenity, And I know what I did wrong to get here.

I trusted in you and burned the bridges, Because I thought life would stop its' attack.

I must wander in to what is here after, Since I've stopped kicking and screaming.

I knew who I was and it sickened me, So much that it destroys me now.

I also knew who I could trust once upon a time, But that eventually drags me down ever so slowly.

I am walking in a virtual living death, Like so many that came before me.

I am decaying in a world that has abused me, Like any dead animal rotting in the sun.

I can not be confident in any future thoughts, And I am battered by what has come to pass.

Remorse has no place, In a world of lies, And I have no faith, To be given anymore.

1998

THE MIND OF ANOTHER

Clearing out the weakness Breaking up the strength Stripping down the coward Making them pay for the lie

Casting stones into flames Those who can't be what they want Desire overlapping agony A time to let death end it all 1998

TELL IT TO THE DOCTOR

If there is god Why must I suffer If there is love Why can't I find it If there is happiness Why can't I have it If there is beauty Why can't I see it If there is comfort Why must I suffer!

1998

TWENTY YEARS LATER

There was an almost imp-like little lady that knew me when I was much younger I think, Twenty summers go by and I smell hundreds of gentle summer breezes all the while reminding me of her A voice that sang even when she spoke and the tiny china doll dances in my memory as every summer scent taps me Puppy love past but never forgotten as were so many in between lovers fell away from memberances I treasured

What was to me a passing fancey never did leave me as I drank in the reviving memories of past It makes no sense to hold these thoughts as treasures but the smiling doll in my head never did sease. I put it aside and every sign of warm seasons re-awakens the images of that tiny beauty even as I age A short-lived seaonal romance that I regreted letting fall silent seemed to haunt me ublike any other woman could

I wondered and wanted for more than half my life, tried and failed to capture the inocense and purity. I should have held more tightly to her but my propetual foolishness caused me let pass what was and could have been. Recently I was guided by things that words can't express to finally seek out what I once wished for. I know I have found again my singing muse from twenty years before but now the fantasy has brought something unexpected

I am in all candor struck by an emotion I don't recall so well, and I worry that though she has grown exactly as I expected I am not enough of the type of man she requires , deserves , and desires and though she is probably what I need. So strange it is to me that I don't feel myself and I don't know how to handle a terrible worry.

With whats left of me I feel fear for the first time in many years.

I actually fear I would disappoint this small soft lipped angel

WHAT SHALL i DO NOW

Dreams that come are not always so easy to navigate when I'm awake

C.2008 d

SUICIDE/RELEASE

I can make sense no more Because I've lost everything Yet again I've lost it all

What's the difference now? Did I make enough mistakes? Can I repair any of this?

Why was I deceived? Can I know the truth? Why didn't I see it before?

What way shall I choose to die? Is there an easy way to go? I doubt there is for me?

If I take my life it comes to an end? Why must I finish what others start? Can I find an easy way to let go?

1998

LESSON 26

It's not my fault, you have nothing to say

I can't be blamed, for all that's gone wrong

You can't hold me responsible, for what yo've done

I can not be accountable, for your shortcommings

I'm noy guilty, for the crimes you have commited

You can't punish me, for what you've done wrong

1998

A QUICK PLAY ON THE FORMATIVE YEARS

A man once taught me a few things. He taught me I was worth something. He showed me how to read what was important. Showing me strength was his blessing for me. Giving me the most basic knowlege was his goal. Instructing in the art of being alive. Showing me what was truly ugly. Displaying for me the value of love.

It is heartbreaking that he is gone. I only knew him in a few ways. Yet he is alive in me and all of my actions. He should have found a way to remain. I really wish that he did. Father, I miss you, Even though I now understand what you have done. I wish I did not.

You could not be a parent anymore. I know this. There is more I should have learned while you were here. I am sorry I could not grasp it all. The pain of my failure will be with me always, And I am sorry I am still not quite a man. I guess I'll just have to accept my fate. As I shall always be incomplete.

1998 (My father committed suicide in 1976 and this peice is about the childish reaction of a four year old.... me)

A WARPED COLOR PIC OF ME